A little advice

I have a friend who has been asking me a bunch of questions about moral standards...what is appropriate and what isn't. She is an involved member of the LDS church and I've responded with information provided by approved church sources. She's hard on herself however and reading these materials has often left her feeling more discouraged than ever. I've thought quite a bit about this and sent her this e-mail with my thoughts:

Hi friend,

I could tell you what my specific thoughts and interpretations of the gospel principles, but for the most part I don't know that that would really be helpful to you in your situations because..well, I'm not you and I haven't been given stewardship over you. Here are some things I have to say that might be more helpful though...


Members of the church, or anybody really, will run into a problem if they feel they can't enjoy the blessings of being close to Heavenly Father until they feel they are worthy to do so; because it is impossible to get to that level of worthiness without His help. When someone is doing the right things just because they are the right things to do or because that is the common observance among others, they will likely be doing those things somewhat begrudgingly. The way to improve is to improve our relationship with Heavenly Father (through prayer, scripture reading, etc..). The process of becoming better will be centered in Christ and be driven by us, not others. We will change because we WANT to change. Hopefully, we will also do less comparing to others because we will have a better understanding that everyone is not only in a different place on the path, but that we are all on our OWN path. We may come across a similar situation as someone else, but our set of abilities, beliefs and backgrounds make it our own. The only one who could fully understand it- is Christ. And because he is the only one who can fully understand it, He qualifies as one who can stand as a perfect judge.

I've been thinking about how this relates to seeing someone else being a good example and how that could effect us. There have been so many times I've seen great examples who I have wanted to emulate in some way. I think of it like when Peter walked on the water towards Jesus...he wasn't perfect but he did his best and he showed the other apostles that it was possible. I think challenging yourself is good and that 'fake it til you make it' definitely has it's place- as long as it is within reach of where you already are. Comparing it to a climbing wall: if you were to reach for a knob way above you because that is where you want to be, you would still fall, though your intentions would be good. Step by step is the way to go...or as it is put in the scriptures, "line upon line, precept upon precept". If you try to live a life that you are not ready for, you will fall, even though your intentions are good. Your efforts would actually have the opposite effect. People become discouraged as they try to live exactly like those who are in the place they would like to be...forgetting that they too, struggled to get where they are. Often people kick themselves out of the church, and blame it on the church or the people in the church who appear (and sometimes really are) too judgmental or self righteous.

The best advice I could give is to take one or two things that you feel are the biggest obstacles between you and Heavenly Father...bring your concerns to Him and start doing your best to tear those two things down. This will put you closer to Heavenly Father where you will be able to hear His voice more clearly. This will allow Him to better direct you in everything.

One thing I heard recently that I've been thinking about it that we worry to much about our weaknesses. Why waste energy focusing on our negatives when it's our positives that are our strengths? It's like a great dancer struggling to master soccer. It's kind of a new concept to me and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it... ie, perhaps I would be more likely to be on time for things if I were more focused on my strength of dependability rather than my weakness of not being realistic about time.

I remember one thing I learned in an education class along time ago was that in order to really learn something you need to get a sense of disequilibrium. When you are knocked off base a bit, you have to work things out in your own mind to make things feel right again. So, it's been kind of cool, thinking about these real- life issues you have been asking about. It has caused me to think more in depth about my own beliefs and to put them into words.

If you still have questions in the future, feel free to ask. I just encourage you to do what we'd all be better off doing; look internally and above for answers more than around. :)