CHAPTER TWO: Crime in the Cafeteria

 CHAPTER TWO:

Crime in the Cafeteria

Exhibit A

This is difficult to write about, but I have a parent confession:

Sometimes Maleah P. Shaner smuggles cafeteria food home in her backpack.

It is a possible fact that it is against the law to remove food from the lunchroom. One devastating result of this is the damage done when she uses something like a leaking container of chocolate milk to vandalize important papers, books and her backpack.

 (In case you are concerned, I can assure you; we have a steady income, decent shelter, running water and supply our children with sustenance multiple times a day.) 

Many months ago, we made it clear that in order to protect the innocent (all things backpack), she was not allowed to hide food for future consumption.

Easy peasey lemon squeezey.

You would think.

But addictions are hard to break.

At the beginning of this week, I couldn't take any more of this life of crime. She had come home with the bottom of her backpack soaked with peaches from a container that was failing at it's job. There was also another one, still sealed which she must have got from an accomplice. At least it wasn't as extreme as the time she got many students to willingly aid and abet her by giving her their bananas. She came home with TWO grocery bags full and was shamelessly proud of her impressive haul. She had charmed a lovely lunch lady into supplying her with the bags and must have convinced her to look the other way as she escaped with the goods. (I know the lunch lady was aware of the crime because she personally confessed to me how entertaining it was). Perhaps the kind- hearted lunch lady felt sympathy for this obviously poor, malnourished 2nd grader. (Judge kindly, I'm sure many of you would have done the same in such a position.)

After discovering the peaches on Monday, I told Maleah that since she wasn't taking good care of her property, she would be using a grocery bag as her backpack for at least the rest of the week.

 

Maleah was seemingly able to keep her life of crime under control for Tuesday and Wednesday. However, her obsession must have built up within her because yesterday she suffered a relapse and smuggled two clementines, two carrots, a piece of celery, a piece of broccoli and a container of ranch. 

 

At least she's taking the healthy stuff...but as we all know, they are the gateway to harder things, like pudding and cookies.

 

Where is an intervention program for this? I wasn't trained for this.  

Exhibit B

What step do I take next? Tell her she'll just have to carry her stuff bag-free?

That doesn't seem like the best idea...especially considering her math book (one month old...) doesn't have a front cover on it anymore. A casualty of abuse. It's already in a fragile state.
 
Really, if I take away all forms of bags: totes, potato, purses, she'd probably just come home with her pockets (and cheeks) full of salad and other surprises.

I know what you are thinking: Is there anything I can do to prevent my child from going down this slippery slope? How can I teach my child that taking food from where it is intended to be, is wrong? If I could give you one peace of advice it would be this:

Don't let your child hang around thug squirrels.

I know, I know. All those princess movies have glorified the act of playful banter with woodland animals. The temptation of singing to rodents is almost too strong to bare. However, as you can see: this is a fight worth fighting. If I can save just one family from going through this, it's worth it.

I do have confidence that we will overcome this (hopefully before the final day of high school). Maleah is an incredibly good person; and she is a fighter. We will make it through.

Hold your children close, my friends. Hold them close...and never go on family picnics in the woods.  

Peace out.



CHAPTER 1- A BUSINESS BEGINS

                     

We look pretty innocent, huh?

I'll have to see if I can figure out why this formatting turned out weird.

I POSTED THIS TOP PART ON FACEBOOK: 

Scroll down if you've already read it.

You know those "Junie B. Jones" books about the precocious, funny, little girl who was a genius at mischief making? The one I've tried to keep my seven-year-old, Maleah, from because she doesn't need any more ideas? I, in all sincerity could write a book entitled "Maleah P. Shaner" and she would do a better job filling the role.

After all, she is my child whom, when I told her the story of the boy who cried wolf, couldn't stop laughing. That shepherd boy who kept tricking the towns people into believing there was a wolf attacking the sheep was just SO clever. I took her cute little face in my hands and as I looked into her eyes, I could see the gears turning as I tried to pull her attention to the MORAL of the story.

Well, here lies a true story I wrote last night about something that happened yesterday. This story could be the first chapter in our new book. However, instead of being a beginner’s chapter book for children, it would be comic relief for exhausted parents....and it would probably be a blog.



You know what? I am going to dust off our blog that nobody knows exists and put it on there. I hope you will read it…and dare I say, share it? Because, I stayed up way too late writing it and I don’t want that to be in vain.


Also, I’m going to tag my neighbor’s wife because her husband plays a main role in this story and I’d like them to know what the heck was happening behind the scenes (and to consider himself off the hook). And I think I will request him (Tim) as a Facebook friend because perhaps that will help them see the things we present to the fb world: the nice pictures, the funny anecdotes, the inspirational thoughts and not just the frazzled parents who are trying to not let their family destroy the neighborhood.


Will someone please let me know if it's actually funny or if I just THINK it's funny because I have been adult- deprived for too long?

YOU ARE NOW CAUGHT UP, go ahead and read on. :)

Chapter 1

A BUSINESS BEGINS

I caught sight of a snow- proofed Maleah heading out the front door. Not wanting to deal with all things cold and soaking wet, I called to her to stay inside. To this, she played the whole I-didn't-hear-you-but-I'm-suddenly-in-a-much-bigger-hurry-to-get-outside card. Not my favorite card. She disappeared and I quickly went to the door to catch her before she did what I knew she would do: get to the outskirts of the yard so she could continue to play the I-didn't-hear-you card for as long as possible.

 Aaand, I was right. On the other side of the door, I saw only a fresh set of footprints leading to the backyard. As I made my way back through the house to the glass sliding door, my brain roladexed (childhood throwback reference!) through my 'consequence' files. It was nice, actually, to have a few seconds to think and not just throw out some empty threat. I reminded my roladex to choose a punishment that would fit the crime. And just as my eyes spotted her adorable little raccoon snow hat and my mouth opened to speak, I landed on the perfect one.

"YOU HAVE TO STAY OUTSIDE. I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU BACK IN."

 As I closed the door, I caught sight of the jackpot look on her face and heard "YES!". I felt satisfied knowing her excitement wouldn't last.

 It's kind of surprising we've never had the Department of Child and Family Services on our doorstep... I'm sure our neighbors could tell some tales...

 I figured she would want to play for about a half hour. At which point she'd want to come back in and I would calmly tell her that she had to stay outside.

I knew she had some snow stamina but man, that kid has some SNOW STAMINA. Eventually she poked her head in the door. ("Finally", I thought.)

"Mom! Our neighbor is going around with his snow machine, clearing the sidewalks and stuff. Can I help him shovel people's driveways?"

I feel nervous when she talks to neighbors...I guess it's largely because she has a way of sweetly prying her way into other people's lives in unusual ways. I diverted the crisis by telling her no, but that she could shovel our driveway.

"Okay!" And she was off.

A little child labor from my stubborn, semi-sweet snow princess seemed like a good idea.

Not long after, I heard a snow-blower, blowing a little more loudly than usual. I peeked out to see Maleah playing in a mound of snow next to the driveway with a shovel laying next to her...and there was our neighbor, just-a-snow blowing away at our driveway.

 I shook my head. Smiled. Took a deep breath.

It was dark when she came inside. I wasn't about to say, "Sorry, you didn't listen to me when you were supposed to stay inside...so, now...you have to stay outside." It would have sounded even more lame than it was going to a couple hours prior.

She began taking off her snow stuff as she casually, yet matter-of-factly stated, "Mom, on Monday when Tim and I are both available, we are going to meet and go shovel some people's driveways." Apparently she is on a first named basis with our next-door neighbor now.

 "Uh, so..did you ask him to snow blow our driveway?"

"Well, he was working on his driveway and I just asked him, 'Please? Will you please help me with my driveway?' "

"..Did you tell him I told you that you had to stay outside?"

"Yes." Great.

"Did you tell him that you were in trouble?"

"Yes." Really great.

"Did you tell him why?"

"No.. I didn't know why." ..Oh good. Wait....has she seriously not known all this time why she was in trouble?!

She continued, "When he was working on our driveway, I told him that we should shovel other people's driveways, too. I said, 'Just you and me!' and he said, 'I think it would end up being just me and me'. We talked more and he said not tonight and not tomorrow because he knows I won't be available because it'll be Sunday and we're Mormon. So, we'll do it Monday and he'll get a dollar for every house and I'll get a dollar for every house."

 And then she stood and asked what I expected her to ask because she asks it every time she comes in from playing in the snow (and in the polite way I knew she would).

"Mom, may I please have some hot chocolate?"

To which I assertively replied, "No. I'm not rewarding your behavior." (Internal dialogue: "Ha! That'll teach her...")

I stepped outside for a second to see if Tim was still outside. He was in his driveway, putting things away for the night. I didn't have shoes on so I called out and said something like, "Thank you. Sorry if Maleah conned you into clearing our driveway." And he was kind and good- natured like he always is and laughed and said something like, "Oh, she's just fine." Then I said something like, "She's pretty funny." and he said something I couldn't quite hear and then something about wishing he was more like her?" Not sure if I heard that part right.

I went back inside and went to the kitchen so I could finish working on our gourmet dinner (aka Ramen Noodles...). I asked her, "Do you really not know why you were in trouble?" She turned from me and shrugged, "No".

I cornered her, giving her my full attention. "Maleah, you know why you were in trouble, don't you."

She hid her face.

I gave her the mom voice that says, 'I-already-know-the-truth-so-you-better-confirm-or-you'll-be-in-more-trouble'. "Don't you." She peeked up at me and I gave her the face that goes with it.

The smile she tried to hide said it all.

I smiled and her shoulders dropped, revealing all defeat. "Fine....you told me to not go outside."

"Next time I say stop, stop."

"Okay." She started to walk out of the room and then turned back to me, remembering something. 

"Oh, and mom, on Monday when I go over there, will you remind me to bring my dollar?"

"Why do you need your dollar?"

"Because I told him that I would pay him a dollar if he did our driveway."

I couldn't hold back my laugh.

"What?", she hurried on, figuring I must need further assurance. "It's okay because it's just one dollar and doing this, we'll get lots of dollars!"

Humorous side note:
Earlier today we were out on a mini mother/ daughter date with Ellie (age 11) at Lee's Market to each get a donut. It was a reward since they were being obedient at Ellie's futsal game (it's like indoor soccer). It was also a way to show the boys that it is a really good idea to be obedient at futsal games (I assume you still remember what futsal is). Maleah saw a drink for 99 cents that she wanted but I told her I wasn't going to buy it. So, she asked if I would buy it if she paid me back with her dollar when we got home. I hesitated, taking a second to remember what parental route Rob and I decided to take in this situation. Ellie raised her eyebrows and looked at me "Do you really want to encourage her to go into debt?" I was more proud of Ellie for showing me I was rubbing off on her than I was annoyed at her for acting like a third parent. I denied Maleah's business proposition.

After this big snow ordeal I told Maleah it was a good thing I hadn't let her spend that dollar or she wouldn't have it to pay Tim (and we'd still have a driveway covered with snow..). She shrugged.

I wrote that last night, and now, I bring us to today. 

Rob wasn't home last night when all this occurred.

I awoke this morning to the sound of Maleah’s voice on Rob's side of the bed, excitedly telling him all about her new business plans and him laughing in response.

I heard Rob say gently, "Maleah, he was probably just teasing you."

She was confused and asked rhetorically, "How could he be teasing me when I was the one who came up with the idea?!" She paused. "So we’re going to meet on Monday after he gets home from work at 6:00.”

Rob said, “It’ll be dark by 6:00.”

I opened my eyes just in time to see her brows furrow in disgusted shock. (Writing props to Rob for helping me know how to describe that look.)

Tim, if you are reading this, you might want to start praying that it doesn’t snow tonight or tomorrow because, although it will be dark and although we will tell her to not go bug you; you can see how well she does at staying inside when she’s told.

And this, for the young 'uns:      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rolodex

               -------------------------------------------------------------------------

As well as I know my child and am pretty familiar with what makes her tick…I am far from figuring out how to make her function the way that I think she should function. But that’s probably a good thing.

The sad (yet fun?) thing is that I almost didn’t even recognize the true humor value of this story because, quite frankly, this type of thing really isn’t that uncommon around here. Rob and I have three other children who definitely make their own comical/ extremely aggravating/ delightfully gratifying contributions of their own.

Have I mentioned that I love being a mom? Because even though I don’t always think so….

I really do.

Ellie and Maleah are a youtube sensation

But don't blink or you might miss it. :) Jenny Phillips put together a new video for this upcoming youth theme. My cute kiddos are only in it for a second- right at the minute mark. It's called "Worth Waiting For".  It is going to be shown at our upcoming firesides and is available to purchase on DVD off of her site . Pretty cool.


http://www.youtube.com/user/jennyphillipsmusic?feature=grec_index

Letter excerpt

Hi guys (all 2 of you!) hehe

You may have noticed you only see new posts from me on days you see flying pigs. Actually, It has been pretty windy today....maybe they weren't flying pigs, just pigs flying. :)

At any rate, I don't post on here much. I'm still not sure what I think about writing out here in the open instead of in my journal, tucked away on my living room shelf. The one I sometimes wonder if I should move just in case someone tries to read it. AH! Heaven forbid! I don't know what I'm afraid they would find...

I am much more consistent at writing my cute little brother who is serving an LDS mission in the Philippines. So, I thought, "Why not post some of the stuff I write to him on my blog?" So, here it is: an excerpt.

Rob and I performed at a Jenny Phillips fireside tonight. Mom and Dad got to come- it was in Clinton- and Ellie got to see us for the first time since we decided she is old enough. I'm glad we got to do something cool like that to celebrate 13 years since the day we met. :) Remember when you told Rob, "I wish you were a Nintendo monster so I could kill you?!" I may have misquoted that. ) Anyway, back to the fireside. There was an extra powerful spirit there tonight. Ahh...have I told you how much I love being a part of that choir? I get soo much out of it. I love looking around at the congregation and watching the spirit touch people....to see that raw emotion...to see families and youth groups together like that. It's like taking a peek into people's lives. There is so much you can learn about a person from their demeanor and countenance and the way they react to what is being said. It is also interesting to me to see that sometimes amidst this warmth so tangible, you feel like you are bathing in it...and some people seem so unattached and uninterested. So true to life. Every time we perform there are people in the congregation who just stand out...their countenance is just so bright. I find that is often those same people who come up afterward to thank us. (Correlation between righteousness and gratefulness?) Sometimes as I am up there and see someone looking radiant and confident and who, if they catch me looking at them, smile back rather than avoid my gaze..I wonder if they know that they glow. I love when I do get the chance to run into them at the end, to tell them that they stand out in the crowd and that it is clear to see they are living right. And I love the pleasantly surprised reaction I get. :)"

There is my excerpt. In other news, I learned the correct spelling of excerpt today.

A little advice

I have a friend who has been asking me a bunch of questions about moral standards...what is appropriate and what isn't. She is an involved member of the LDS church and I've responded with information provided by approved church sources. She's hard on herself however and reading these materials has often left her feeling more discouraged than ever. I've thought quite a bit about this and sent her this e-mail with my thoughts:

Hi friend,

I could tell you what my specific thoughts and interpretations of the gospel principles, but for the most part I don't know that that would really be helpful to you in your situations because..well, I'm not you and I haven't been given stewardship over you. Here are some things I have to say that might be more helpful though...


Members of the church, or anybody really, will run into a problem if they feel they can't enjoy the blessings of being close to Heavenly Father until they feel they are worthy to do so; because it is impossible to get to that level of worthiness without His help. When someone is doing the right things just because they are the right things to do or because that is the common observance among others, they will likely be doing those things somewhat begrudgingly. The way to improve is to improve our relationship with Heavenly Father (through prayer, scripture reading, etc..). The process of becoming better will be centered in Christ and be driven by us, not others. We will change because we WANT to change. Hopefully, we will also do less comparing to others because we will have a better understanding that everyone is not only in a different place on the path, but that we are all on our OWN path. We may come across a similar situation as someone else, but our set of abilities, beliefs and backgrounds make it our own. The only one who could fully understand it- is Christ. And because he is the only one who can fully understand it, He qualifies as one who can stand as a perfect judge.

I've been thinking about how this relates to seeing someone else being a good example and how that could effect us. There have been so many times I've seen great examples who I have wanted to emulate in some way. I think of it like when Peter walked on the water towards Jesus...he wasn't perfect but he did his best and he showed the other apostles that it was possible. I think challenging yourself is good and that 'fake it til you make it' definitely has it's place- as long as it is within reach of where you already are. Comparing it to a climbing wall: if you were to reach for a knob way above you because that is where you want to be, you would still fall, though your intentions would be good. Step by step is the way to go...or as it is put in the scriptures, "line upon line, precept upon precept". If you try to live a life that you are not ready for, you will fall, even though your intentions are good. Your efforts would actually have the opposite effect. People become discouraged as they try to live exactly like those who are in the place they would like to be...forgetting that they too, struggled to get where they are. Often people kick themselves out of the church, and blame it on the church or the people in the church who appear (and sometimes really are) too judgmental or self righteous.

The best advice I could give is to take one or two things that you feel are the biggest obstacles between you and Heavenly Father...bring your concerns to Him and start doing your best to tear those two things down. This will put you closer to Heavenly Father where you will be able to hear His voice more clearly. This will allow Him to better direct you in everything.

One thing I heard recently that I've been thinking about it that we worry to much about our weaknesses. Why waste energy focusing on our negatives when it's our positives that are our strengths? It's like a great dancer struggling to master soccer. It's kind of a new concept to me and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it... ie, perhaps I would be more likely to be on time for things if I were more focused on my strength of dependability rather than my weakness of not being realistic about time.

I remember one thing I learned in an education class along time ago was that in order to really learn something you need to get a sense of disequilibrium. When you are knocked off base a bit, you have to work things out in your own mind to make things feel right again. So, it's been kind of cool, thinking about these real- life issues you have been asking about. It has caused me to think more in depth about my own beliefs and to put them into words.

If you still have questions in the future, feel free to ask. I just encourage you to do what we'd all be better off doing; look internally and above for answers more than around. :)

It's time for the annual event!

...of us writing on this blog! It got so bad that Rob was actually the one who got on last year to announce the birth of our 3rd child, Cameron Daniel. Well, he just turned one on the day after Christmas! That's right. We were in the hospital Christmas night and the little guy (6 lbs, 9 oz & 18 in.) entered the scene at 1:oo AM on the 26th. It really didn't bother us, though. We had done all our celebrating with extended family on Christmas Eve, opened gifts Christmas morning and had my parents and little sister there to help with the kiddos when we headed out. Actually, it was quite convenient. Rob was supposed to work Christmas night. It was just minutes before he was to leave when we decided it was best to get to the hospital instead. I told him they weren't going to believe him when he called into work, telling them his wife was in labor.....until we had proof. :)





Who says you have to keep up on your blog? I've decided to not feel guilty or obligated about the lack of entries. I do have a feeling though, there will be more.. and soon.

Photo shoot? Me? HA!

It all started when I got an e-mail from Jenny Phillips' assistant, announcing our upcoming firesides, etc. (I sing with her choir, I'll post more about that another time). At the bottom of the e-mail, she wrote that she had a friend who was working on a photography project and was wanting a few people who would be willing to have headshots/ portraits taken. I was intrigued and checked out her website at IslandBelle Photography by KristaMaurer.com. Surprised and impressed by how professional and established she was, I signed up. Honestly, I probably would have signed up even if she wasn't so talented because, well, it sounded fun. And it was! How often does a frumpy house mom get dressed up and go play model? I feel fancy just going out without carrying a big diaper bag. I didn't expect for it to be such a rejuvenating experience for me. Krista is awesome (the instant friend type) and made posing feel almost natural. :) I asked about her connection to Jenny Phillips and was told that she was a member of the choir for a while as well as one of the directors at Deseret Book. It's great that a photographer as good as she, continues to go out of her way to perfect her craft. I got a disk with the pictures on it in the mail yesterday with a very thoughtful note included.

Here is a video of the pictures: (Not sure why they look pixalated here)

A couple weeks back I was reading the blog of a new favorite singer of mine, Mindy Gledhill. She posted pictures from a concert she did in Mesa and credited them to Krista Maurer! Cool. So, I searched for Krista's name on Mindy's blog. Turns out she was Mindy's publicist for several years and then was the executive producer for one of her benefit concerts as well as a benifet concert for Nie (Nie is a woman who survived a airplane crash where 80% of her body was burned. She, mostly through her blog, has become well-known for her enthusiasm and stamina amidst hardship). Turns out Krista also was commissioned by Karl Malone to make a quilt for him out of his old jerseys (see here). Krista is a writer, illustrator, photographer, singer, handmade etsy boutique owner, seamstress and does a whole lot of consulting. Wow, she's the most multi talented person I've ever met. And I just thought you might want to know.